Turn, Turn, Turn

There is a season for all things. A time to live and a time to die. A time to sow and a time to reap. The beginning of school is a time for reflection and renewal. I began teaching 6th grade this fall and my idea of how students recreate themselves over the summer blows my mind. 6th graders become whole new people over that short period. Yes they physically mature but it's much more than that. Their personalities grow so much in the first week that these "children" become poets, athletes, bullies, friends, and confidants. I believe their continued maturation will be a phenomenal chance for me to observe human behavior at the most basic levels. If you see me on the street help me to remember the beautiful transition I get to observe every day. Always searching. Josh

I'm Back

I know it has been a decent amount of time since my last post and I would like to update my few followers;).  In February I again applied to be a state trooper in Indiana.  I, along with all the other applicants, was instructed to stay off of all social media sites and to discontinue all blogging.  I tried my best in the last four months to follow this to the letter of the law.

In the last four months my family has gone through some changes.  We planned on moving to Indiana rain or shine and have since had our plans put onto hold.  We have recently found out that we are pregnant with our second child and since living without insurance is almost an impossibility at this point we are staying in TN unless one of us can secure a job with full benefits.

I hope to blog more in the coming weeks and to be able to share a few more insights into life and family as I see them.  Please keep us in prayer as daily or lives seem to change.

Winnie

Prayerfully Dedicated

Fully supportive and prayerfully dedicated sums up our commitment to our children.

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind . . . and . . . love your neighbor as yourself." --Matthew 22. Our student minister always ends his message with "Love God, Love your neighbor," what a great reminder of our number one objective in life.

When God first entrusted us with our children, we were awe struck at the responsibility . . . and proceeded to dedicate them, as babies, back to the LORD. Parenting responsibilites changed over the years, but the dedication of their lives to the LORD continues to be our daily prayer.

No matter what direction the LORD leads them, we will continue to be fully supportive and prayerfully dedicated.

Momma always said ...

I would like to say that my mom always used the old quote "momma always said there would be days like this." Alas, she did not.  My mom is, was, and as far as I know always been what I would call a boot strap lady.  It did not matter the obstacle or problem, mom pulled herself up by her boot straps and beat the problem.  She taught my sister and I to be the same way.  We were shown that no problem was impossible and that we could do anything we wanted.

Yesterday was a boot strap day for me.  I ref Upward basketball for one of the local churches and really enjoy working with the kids.  I usually finish up about two PM.  I scheduled a babysitter to come to our house between 3:30 and 4:00 so that Mandee and I could leave for a much needed adult date.  I had written some questions for a state organization and had gotten paid a small sum.  I had put this money aside for a "What Mandee Wants" date.  We were going to eat at her favorite restaurant., shop for a new purse and some other needed items that she had expressed a desire for, and then finish the date watching the sunset from the top of the mountain in the GSMNP.  After watching the sunset together we were going to go down to Cherokee NC for desert.  It sounded like a great evening.

Needless to say it did not occur as desired.  Mandee was not feeling well, we ended up changing plans with our babysitter, and for some reason everyone and their brother decided it was time to go to PF and Gatlinburg.  We ended up not getting dinner at Olive Garden where Mandee really wanted to eat.  No purse was to be found that lived up to her expectations.  Between clouds and time no sunset.  It was a busted evening.  We ended up eating at a place we had never eaten before that was really good.  Mandee found a purse at a different place.  We both got coffee for desert so the evening was not a total loss.

I know it was more important that we spent time together than what we did.  I just wish I could have made those things happen so that Mandee would understand how much I value her.  We got home to a daughter that loves us and we have plans to go to church at a new place tomorrow with friends.  I'll let you know how it goes.  As ever constant reader, thank you for your laughter, prayers, and tears.

Joshua Winrotte
PH - 224
MH - TGIW - Thank Goodness Its the Weekend
SH - Phil 4:13

PS With no internet at the house sorry for the infrequent posts.  I'll try to up load at school when I get a spare minute.

Sunday morning soothes my soul

Wow what a moment can do. I woke up tired and ready to roll over and skip church. I really wanted to just rest. But, I dragged my tortured carcas from the couch and stepped into the shower and tried to get my mind right. I grumbled my way into the car through the door and still felt like my being alive was a burden for all. I passed off the excuse of being tired but my demeanor was not affected by a my weary body. Instead my sour disposition, infected my ability to play and my desire To be anything but mearly existing.

Then someone simple happened. The music began to infect my soul. Slowly my hardened heart opened to the message that God needed to post there. "You are not the reason you are here. You are here to share my message. You are here to be my instrument." I began letting him lead my mind and heart and began to enjoy the music again. Slowly the light changed and the weariness left my hear.

A few minutes after everyone had wrapped up practice, Rob asked me to play communion with him and to steal a phrase the heavens opened up. We are playing a song by the artist Moby. It helps me to realize that true beauty is given by god no matter what the vessel.

Remember today that your real light is what you show. The comic below illustrates how I try to hide things in my heart. I hope you see the relevance and get a small chuckle.

Joshwinrotte

Speaking through sleep

I intended to publish a long missive yesterday explaining how had I had planned to work out and all of the goals that I had set forth for the near future.  As is often said, “The best laid schemes of mice and men go often askew, And leave us nothing but grief and pain, for promised joy!.”(Robert Burns)  My wife and daughter were both not feeling well last night, and to top off my wife’s misery she also had a job related issue, which required her to work over.  Not a huge deal, but instead of dinner at home we only were able to grab a quick bite and head home before both ladies fell into a deep sleep.  I stood and watched them both toss and turn, and as I gazed upon my two ladies I was reminded of the gift that I have been given.  Both of these girls, or women if you prefer, are God’s gift to me as a father and husband. 

             My grand plans for the evening had been dashed by a dose of reality.  SO WHAT.  My family was safe, I was safe, we were all fed and hungry, and we all slept in warm beds.  Where and how we ate did not matter.  Hours of play in different rooms was replaced by alone time in the car without distraction.  TV was replaced conversation.  Love was shared. 

            I discovered at 4:15 this morning how much my daughter talks in her sleep.  She talks so coherently I was convinced that she was awake.  She talked to her grandma and grandpa.  She prayed for Mandee and I.  She talked to Tipps, our spaz dog.  She does not feel the greatest again today, but she has made me feel better than I have in forever.  God has allowed Mandee and I to be the center of her world and she cannot dream of anything better than praying for us.  What a blessing.

            As I continue on my process of discover, I pray that God will continue to give me little pick-me-up’s like last nights.  I feel like more of a man and more of a father today than I ever have.

The Searcher

P – 229 Run and Run

M – Smiling outside and inside

S – Began a devotion on marriage.  Pray for me to continue it and hear its words

... and so it begins.

     They say that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  Well sometimes it begins with kick in the pants.  When faced with divorce, unemployment, and having no faith you begin to wallow in your self-pity. In December of 2009, I came to realize that I was not a great husband, really not even a good one, struggled as a father, had little of the faith that had permeated my life up to my high school years, and completely lacked direction in my life.  I began to pray for God to show me the plan for my life.  I asked that he give me direction to attain some of the goals that I was sure would soon materialize before me. THEY DIDN'T!!!! 
     So, I continued to pray for a change.  My wife slowly began to see a change in me.  My daughter began to see a change in me.  I began to understand that God loved me no matter my failings and my short fall of faith. Despite all of these changes, I was still floundering in my work.  See, I view myself as a provider.  I know that all men want to be the big puffed out chest provider for their family, but my need went deeper than that. I felt like my worth came from my job.  I felt like I needed my job just to be Josh.  Not SUPER JOSH or GREAT JOSH, I needed it to be just Josh.  Work was my drug.  The worst part of that drug was that even when I was on my drug, it was not making me happy.  I began to consider that possibly my job was the catalyst of the strains taking over my life.  I began to say no to some extraneous portions of my job.  I began to step away from the grind and examine how I spent my time at work.  I found that the reason I felt such a need to do everything at my job was the lack of results that came from it.  As a teacher, the results of your work are not immediately shown.  You must wait years in some cases to see the fruit of your labor.  I was stuck looking for immediate impact and seeing only my own haunted reflection in my kids faces.  I saw failure in each eye because I viewed my work as failure.
     On Valentines Day 2010, I received an e-mail from my mom, Janet Winrotte.  As I began to read her words, a vocation that before had been only a flight of fancy for me became a seed.  My mother sowed the idea of applying to be an Indiana State Trooper.  I was immediately filled with anxiety and wonder.  My mother, who hated guns and the thought of her only son being killed, was suggesting a dangerous vocation in a field that I had considered only in fantasy.  All young boys dream of serving as a firefighter, a policeman, or in the military.  I was no different, but as I aged my views changed.  September 11th, 2001 was the closest that I ever came to joining the military.  A friend of mine and I sat outside of a recruiters office and debated whether to join or wait.  I remembered my mother and the cost it would have enacted on her if I had joined and knew that finishing college was the direction I needed to pursue, at that time.  Since that day, the desire to serve has never left me. When I read of my mother's belief that I would make a good and honorable trooper, Mandee, my wife, and I began to explore the possibility.  I called my cousin, whose husband is a trooper, and found as much information about the profession as I could.  I researched the net and joined and read every message board I could.  The seed began to grow.  
    I applied to the ISP and was granted a spot in their field of applicants slated to take the written assessment.  At the same time Mandee and I placed our house up for sale knowing that if we were to live by faith we had to put everything into God's hands.  I began preparing for the physical portion of the ISP testing and made it though several phases of the hiring process.  Our house was on the market for several months without any firm offers.  I kept my job as a teacher and decided I would place my best effort into teaching if the ISP was not where my life was headed.  In July, the final physical testing of the hiring procedure occurred.  The contract was about to run out with our realtor and I failed a portion of the physical testing.  We returned to Tennessee and began our lives again in August. I managed to keep a handle on my emotions for several weeks until the date came when the new trooper hires were to report for the start of their 7 month training.  That day and the day following was very difficult for me as my frustration with my own failure attacked my faith and my voracity for life.  With the help of some very good friends and a wonderful loving wife and daughter, I crawled out of my personal pity party and began forging ahead.  
     In the 5 months since my two day self-pity bender, I have spent a part of the 20th of each month thinking about the trooper trainees that were part of the program and wondering if I did have what it took to be one of them.  Mandee and I have talked often about what the future holds.  I have read a book about following a lion into a pit that was provided to be by my new grandfather Dick.  It reminded me that it is okay to dream big because God is bigger than my infinitesimally small dreams.  
     The Indiana State Police are hiring again.  I have applied, again.  There are several churches looking for youth ministers.  I have applied, for the first time.  I am exploring all options.  I have finally opened my eyes to a direction beyond my own, for the first time.  I am seeking God's direction first, for the first, but not the last time.  
    This blog will follow my search for a meaning beyond the second in which we currently  exist.  I have been lucky enough to receive my second kick in the shorts.  This blog is my outlet.  I hope that it shows a little of my thought process and a lot of God's love and grace.  Occasionally Mandee, my wife, will post.  I have invited other important people in my life to post as well.  I will end each post with an update on my mental, spiritual, and physical make-up.  Thanks for reading and as one of my favorite authors says, I do this for myself and you constant reader.


JOSHWINROTTE


M - Its the beginning of a whole new day
S - God is a thought so immense I can only grasp the fleeting glimpse of overpowering love. Psalms 107
P - 230lbs, 50PU, 100SU, 50Curl, 50Tri, 50Calf, 50Lun